Know You. Do You.

I came to a shocking realization this week. Something precious to me had been lost. My identity–it was gone. Buried under titles, expectations, and assumptions. Its funny because even as I write this, I recall writing a blog post last year about going on a journey to “find myself” and yet, here I am again uncertain of who I am. But this time, it is different. This time, I really mean who am I when I take off the expectations of others. Who am I when I take off the roles and responsibilities that come with certain positions in my life. Who am I when I am all alone in a closet, on my knees before God? What drives me, what motivates me, what do I want?

I recently realized that my desires had become driven by what I saw and see others fulfilling. Subliminally, I began to want positions and jobs, and things that they had because…it seemed like what I should be doing. My mind said, if they can do it, surely I can do it too (and probably better)! I became filled with thoughts or ideas that didn’t originate from my heart, but instead originated from the innate need to “be like others”. A slave to everyone else’s vision of success. I was so consumed by trying to fulfill what others had done, I misplaced the true wants of my own heart. It became so cloudy and muddled by what I thought I should want, that separating the natural from the assumed is like mining for diamonds in the sand.

A daunting and painstaking task, but one worth the time, energy, and challenge.

I share this because I know, in a digital social world where we are constantly served curated visions of the lives of friends, family, and celebrities, it is sometimes difficult to recognize your own path and not get distracted trying to shape yourself to fit in the puzzle of someone else’s dream.

Know this..what God has for you is for you! You were created and modeled with your own identity and desires. And those may not look like what others around you are doing, and that’s okay. Take hold and recognize your own heart. Seek God, boldy, confidently, and with full hope knowing He is the sifter that will help you find your true self, the diamond that you are, buried beneath in the sand.